how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize