it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
