I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize