i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize