when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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