Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was confusing and full of hummus
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Farmville is her only friend.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
