Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
