Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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