Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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