i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
