For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
