Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
