dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
