you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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