all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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