If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
