I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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