There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
