I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
