Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
