Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
