he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
