Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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