I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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