Fine. I'll sleep in my office
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
