Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
