Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
