Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
