well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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