I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
