Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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