Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize