I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and she was petting her beer can
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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