i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
