I wish I only lived at night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am available for nakedness
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
