I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
