worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
