We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
