I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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