I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
