the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
