Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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