Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
