Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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