no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
