When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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