you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The power of my boobs compel you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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