go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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