My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize