There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
