Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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