he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
