last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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