Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
