once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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