I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
