You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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