I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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