to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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