a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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