Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
