I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You're like the curious george of whores
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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