remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize