apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
