I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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