i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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