Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least đ
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I got drunk off three vodka cranberryâs and told him to âWWE raw dog me.â Fucking kill me.
If he doesnât slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I donât wanna hear about it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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