happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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