nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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