my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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