If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
