He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
