Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
