Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize