I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
