The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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