Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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