Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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