Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We're too hungover to prance.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize