Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
