My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
