By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
