will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
