we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
