You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
